I should know, I've got it.

For those of you who don't watch Futurama religiously, allow me to explain: In the last episode of Futurama, Fry tries to learn an instrument called the Holophoner to impress Leela, but no matter how hard he tries he just can't do it. After awhile, he goes down to Robot Hell to make a deal with the Robot Devil. It is there that the Robot Devil tells him that he will never be able to become good at anything because he has what his old music teacher calls "Stupid Hands".

And that's a real condition.

Stupid Hands is when you have great ideas and see amazing things in your head, but no matter how hard you try you can't do anything to make them real. Stupid Hands is not to be confused with just not trying, as the difference between the two is that people with Stupid Hands actually want to make their ideas real and work hard to do so, while people who just don't try don't do anything to make their ideas real.

I can't even begin to tell you all how many times i've had a great idea that I really want to come to fruition, and every time I try to make it happen I can't do anything. I have great game ideas, and yet every time I try to learn programming, I end up being unable to understand even the most basic commands. I have great animation ideas, but the only thing I can draw on paper is stick figures. I've bought books on how to draw better, but after months of practicing, I can still only draw slightly better stick figures.

Of course, the seemingly simple way to bypass this is to ask for help from either one of your friends or someone you're going to pay (or both). However, if any of you have ever had friends, you know that they will never, ever, ever help you if the only thing you have is an idea. That's basically saying, "Do all the work for me so I get all the credit". As for finding someone to pay, they will work for you, but there trouble with that is that since you can't contribute anything of your own, it's not your creation so much as it is theirs. It may have been your idea, but you did nothing to make it happen, therefore you forfeit all rights to it when it's finished. Also, you'd need to pay them, and generally that takes quite a bit of money if you've got a big project in mind.

So, Stupid Hands. I don't know if there are any other people who have a similar affliction, but if you do, then you know how horrible it really is. Stupid Hands is pretty much a giant "fuck you" from whatever higher powers there are.

And that's my spiel. Thanks for listening.

What? That's no lie. I am in love with a character from a video game.

Specifically, the video game Portal.

She and I met on the eve of one January 2nd. It had been a long day, and I had just gotten home to play my recently accquired game Portal. As I started it up and began the first level, I could only hear her voice, rough yet smooth, monotone yet melodic. I thought nothing of it as I continued the game.

As I progressed, however, she began showing a darker side of herself, though not too explicitly. She was so funny yet so dark, she was a sheer symphony of light and dark mixed into one.

And then the breaking point.

She asked me to incinerate a dear friend of mine.

I didn't want to.

But my love for her had grown stronger than my love for my cube-shaped companion.

So I burned him, and she sort-of mocked me about it. This is where, I think, my love for her truly blossomed. Never in my life have I ever met anyone so twisted, demented and utterly bad in my life.

She sickened me...but she intrigued me. The way she spoke to me was clear but veiled, businesslike and yet had a hint of playfulness to it.

I continued and eventually found myself on a platform, about to leave behind the puzzles that I had spent so much time solving. And that was when I found out that she was going to kill me! Had I done something wrong? She assured me there was nothing wrong, she was just going to burn me because she cared.

At the time, I don't think my mind accepted it as readily as it should have, but I digress, I was in a panic. I saved myself, and something strange happened: her voice took on a tone of panic. She was frightened, and it frightened me. I then spent my time trying to find her and to console her.

I continued on, and her voice went from frightened to downright terrified. She began sending turrets to kill me, but I know she didn't really mean to kill me, she was just acting out of fear. She eventually began insulting me and getting angry, and for awhile I was depressed, but when she told me she wasn't angry at me, I cheered up a bit.

I made my way to the center of the facility, and found that instead of a human woman, like I had thought, my love was a large computer unit. I was confused, I thought she was a human, she spoke like one. And when she said that the only thing I had broken was her heart, my heart broke.

It was too much, I had to leave to regain my composure. I left the game on, fearing that if I turned it off I might lose her.

Then one of my friends picked up the game controller.

When I returned, I came upon him as he was about to redirect the final missle into my beloved's heart. I pushed him out of the way and tried to close the portal, but it was too late. The missle went through, and with a heartrending cry, my love, my one true love, died.

I fell to my knees and wept as her remains fell to the ground, broken and charred. My friend, to add insult to injury, called me a fag and left. But as I mourned, a miracle happened: I heard her voice again. It was higher pitched, but I knew it was her. I listened to her sing, sing to ME, to tell me not to worry, to tell me that she was still alive.

A smile broke on my tearstained face. My beloved GLaDOS was alive. I stayed with her the rest of the night as she sang to me about how she wasn't angry at me for leaving her, how she joked about me leaving.

Now I only wait and wish that Portal 2 arrive soon so I can be reunited with my beloved GLaDOS.

Would happen like this.

All over the world, we wanna have fun. Well, I'm trying to, anyway.

So my pizannos, I am at a loss of inspiration for my music making. I really can't make a beat or anything in FL Studio, and even when I can, it never goes anywhere. I partially blame my recent non-stop Brawl marathon, but I've had this problem before.

My friend DJ Tacgnol is doing smashingly with his music, and it's getting almost sad since I'm the one who gave him FL Studio.

So, my friends, I ask you: Where can I get some inspiration?

1. The last post was somewhat of a triumph. Kudos to everyone who knew I was GLaDOS, but you didn't have to post like me. ;)

2. My friend DJ Tacgnol has uploaded some of his stuff. Check it out!

3. Brawl's out. Guess who doesn't have enough money for it. Guess who will cut his wrists with the game disc of Melee. :(

Edit: 4. Level 11 hooray.

Edit edit: I sold my childhood for Brawl (i.e. N64 and games). So far no regrets.

HelLO, i Am a rePREsEnTiTIVe oF ThE nEWgrOunDS BbS enRIChmEnT CenTEr. I biD yOU aLl GOoD DaY, aNd I HoPE wE aLL Can beCoME goOD FriENds. lEt Me bEgIN bY stAtiNG My nAMe.

I aM CryOGeNChAOs.

pLEasE FeEl fREe tO rESpOnd, bUT kEeP YOuR cOmMEnTs cIviL PleASe.

I was kidding about the whole "MAKE ME A MOD LOL" ordeal. It was a joke. I mean, I won't turn an offer to be mod down, but i'm not going to actively post "LOL I SHUD BE A MOD LOLOLOL". That's just dumb.

Edit: Look at me, i'm a music man!

Edit edit: Look at me, i'm the sub-par music man. :(

I deserve to be a forum moderator.

Discuss.

EDIT: My standpoints are as follows -

Monday: Mega Miniskirt Monday
Tuesday: Tasty Titty Tuesday
Wednesday: Wiggly Wang Wednesdays (for her pleasure ;) )
Thursdays: Three-way Thursdays
Fridays: Fantastic Fellatio Fridays
Saturdays: Sexy Saturdays
Sundays: Super Sensual Sundays

You get all this and more with me as mod.

Now then, my dear friends, I have another question.

I have found the greatest thing to ever grace my eyes: monocles.

I want to buy four monocles: One for me and three for my friends. The overall cost would be roughly $80. As the money from my job is already spent on school and the like, and i'm swamped as it is so i can't get a second job, I need a way to make $80 without whoring myself out, selling organs, or causing myself physical or mental harm.

I'll think of some reward for the best suggestion.

So I want to start making remixes and all that.

But I have no idea where to begin.

So, my friends, I need some advice. How do I shot we-

Er.

How do I break my way into the world of computer generated audio?